Thantophobia


Thantophobia

(n.) the phobia of losing someone you love

I keep having these two reccuring nightmares of different people in my family dying. It sucks, loads. It takes some of the most important people to me and then rips them from me, yes it’s just a dream but it feels so real when it’s happening and as i wake up i have to remind myself that it wasnt real. I hate it so much.

I can honestly say that it is the worst thing i could ever imagine because of whats happening in it. Whomever is being “attacked” are trying to stay alive but they are trying in pain and for me that may be the worst part of it.

One of the dreams I can remeber having since I was about 10, so about 10 years now. If there was one memory I could erase it would be one of the worst times that I woke up having it. I woke up so scared, it was probably about 2 A.M. I was so worried about my family, I had actually woke up crying, I had thought about not going to sleep again for fear of it happening again but there was nothing I could do and I knew that it wasn’t real but it felt so real.

I think that these get to me so much because I do fear losing my family because they are the most important people in my world. I love spending Sunday afternoons at my grandparents house with everyone, I love having conversations about the reason why Tovah hates the movie Hercules, I loved learning how to drive my Quad and the RZR from my grandpa. I absolutely love hearing about the time my uncle spent in Jamacia, listening to my mom talk about her work because she’s so passionate. I love hugging my aunt and seeing all of my cousins and babysitting them. I enjoy watching tv with my sister and creating inside jokes with her. I loved seeing my brother and talking to him even if its just pointless conversations. I could keep going on and on but I feel like you get what I’m saying.

My family is my everything.

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