I miss….

I miss many people and even things. Some in the normal you’re not here and others in the you’re gone sense. My best friend lives 1,642.3 miles away, I miss my cousin who died, I miss my old friend, I miss reading and I miss getting good sleep. Some of these may seem silly and don’t make sense but I will hopefully clear that up.

I used to see my best friend almost every day and since she’s been gone I only got to see her for Christmas. It was amazing to have her home and to hang out and just be near each other. I miss the little things we used to do, like watch TV where she would put her stupid cold feet under my leg in an attempt to warm them up. We used to bake whenever one of us had the urge (and wasn’t on a new diet) and we’d jam out to some music whether it be her musicals or my random Pandora radio’s. I even miss having the “you really should watch titanic” conversations and even at times I miss watching Les Mis with her.

My cousin was 3 days old and he died 10 years ago today. I didn’t hold him when I had the chance which might be one of my biggest regrets in life. Even though he wasn’t here for long I cherish the time that I was able to be near him. I miss being able to see him grow as I have Tovah, Lucian and Ryan, but I know he’s in a better place.  I am amazed how much I feel like this brought my family together and I’m amazed how my family has come back from this. My aunt and uncle are two of the most amazing people in life and this was so life changing but they haven’t let this be the one thing in their life that they let be an excuse for things. They had two amazing other kids after he died and I love all of them (there’s 3).

I miss old friends whom have left because we graduated or because they made a decision that I was unnecessary in their life. After you graduate you change and your priorities change and your friends from home aren’t really one of them. I miss a couple friends that have left because they didn’t like a decision I’ve made, I don’t regret the decision I made at all they were some of the best I’ve made. I think its silly and I’m honestly not bothered by it anymore other then I really enjoyed being with them because there were some pretty cool people. I was actually amazed at how well one of them was coping with everything that was going on with her.

I sleep so badly now and I have no idea why and it stinks, because then when I do get to sleep at like 4am I sleep until 11:30. I know its silly but if you get a good sleep you can change your day in my opinion, so I miss it.

The great thing about my best friend being away is that, one day I’ll have to travel out to her. I also know that I’ll see her again and we can text/call. My cousin dying was hard but how everyone’s handled it says a lot about my family that we can go on and we will and we are happy. It also helps to help others through hard situations that were similar as my uncle has done. I’m proud to be part of the family that I’m in, especially through tough times. Friends leaving just means that I do know who’s here for me and supports me through everything even if they hate my choices. Sleeping will be better once I figure out my room and clean it and make it mine. So life’s hard and you lose people and you lose sleep but you can’t let that bring you down you just gotta get up and smile because you will be happy again it may take some time but you can, you just need to believe in you and who you are. You are amazing, you do know how to keep going and you will!

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